MST 2: Attracting Negativity

Oh Law of Attraction, how you’ve confused people! In fact, I could write a book on all of the misunderstandings I’ve heard over the past year about the Law of Attraction but as soon as The Secret was, um, no longer a secret, I’ve seen at least half a dozen books appear on just this. Titles like The Real Law of Attraction, The Practical Law of Attraction, The Down-to-Earth Guide to the Law of Attraction have popped up like mad. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a Dummies Guide to the Law of Attraction. But the purpose of this post is not to discuss the Law of Attraction but rather, to clear up some horrible misunderstandings I’ve heard from some of my nearest and dearest clients who are trying, really really hard to attract wonderful things into their lives and who are afraid they're doing it all wrong.

First, let me start with my disclaimer. The Law of Attraction does work. I’ve attracted gobs of great things into my life using it, including my sweet husband. The problem is not the idea that we can attract great things into our lives because, well, we can. The problem is that once people learn about this spiritual truth, they begin to have all sorts of silly thoughts. Thoughts like: I should not think bad thoughts, because then I’ll attract bad things into my life. I should not feel any negativity because then I’ll attract negative things into my life. No matter what happens to me, I should remain positive or else I’ll attract negative things to me.

On what planet are people always happy? Always positive? Always thinking delightful thoughts? I don’t know how you are dear reader, but when someone is ALWAYS happy, when I never hear a person express any frustration, anger, sadness or irritation, I cannot help but wonder who it is who is really behind the happy mask.

Maybe this is a scandalous thing for a life coach to say. I really hope that my clients come away from my sessions realizing how to create happier lives. But I also really hope that not one of them thinks that I have the answer to leading a 100% happy life. Because I don’t and I would never want to promise that. It’s just not real.

All of our emotions are sacred. Not just happiness. All of them. Sadness, anger, frustration, jealousy. As I’ve written before, I believe every emotion is here to bring us a message. And that means they are not bad. And that means that they are more than okay to feel. At times, they are our greatest teachers. This means that when we do go through the dark nights of the soul (which, by the way, happen much more frequently to those who are on a conscious spiritual path than to those who are not), we are not setting ourselves up for attracting negative events into our lives. In fact, in my experience, quite the opposite is true. By honoring the message a negative emotion is bringing, I am able to see what it is I would LIKE to create. I see what it is I need to mourn and let go of. I am able to clearly see that some situations and people are not part of my best life. Those messages are such incredible guides.

If you are like many of my clients and are into the Law of Attraction, guard yourself again the common misunderstanding that if you feel negativity, you will attract negativity. If you are chronically negative and unhappy, then by all means, find yourself a good therapist. And for the rest of us, I’ve composed a little chart to help you figure out exactly what your negative emotions are trying to teach you. I’ve included my own personal examples so you can see what a gift these messages of un-happiness are. By listening to these emotions and the messages they bring, they help point us into the direction of our best lives. Not obstacle-free lives, not happy- 100%-of-the-time lives, but our best lives. And I have a hunch that’s what all of us are trying to attract.

Finding the Sacred Message from Your Negative Emotions Chart

*MST: Somehow, I created this (or the problem with karma)

The process of creating is pretty amazing. Hasn't humankind forever been enticed by the idea of creators and creations? A newer concept that's gained some popularity-that we are actually the creators (as in, we are all creating our own realities and we create what happens to us)-is an interesting concept.

From personal experience I really do believe that our thoughts help shape our realities. I've witnessed the power of self-fulfilling prophecies in my own life (both positive and negative) and I've watched how some people, due to their sheer belief or disbelief in themselves, create success or failure. I would not be a life coach if I didn't think that we had a great deal of power over our thoughts, our perceptions and what happens in our lives. For the record, I DO think taking responsibility for one's life is an essential step in creating one's happiness.

But too often, what I see happening with this particular spiritual truth is not empowerment. When people believe that they create everything that happens to them, then what does it mean when bad things happen in their lives? If you believe that you somehow created your present day reality, what do you make of your breast cancer? Or you son's DUI? Or your husband's infidelity? If YOU created it, then doesn't it make the bad
things "your fault?" And how does that feel?

Yeah. Exactly. It feels like shit.


In addition to the already difficult situation with which you've been presented, now you've got all this extra baggage to contend with. In addition to the mastectomy or the legal fees or your divorce, you've got to figure out how YOU created this mess in the first place.

It seems like a good time to share a short story with you about yours truly. Being the philosophical type who reads more spiritual self-help books than Oprah, I, too, once erroneously believed I was responsible for all of the good and bad that happened in my life. If I could not make sense of why something bad was happening to me, I chalked it up to karma. Must have been something I did in a past life to deserve this-I'd tell myself. Which of course, did nothing but make me feel even worse.

You can imagine what a field day I had when I was diagnosed with cancer. I took on probably one of the biggest research projects of my life. In my almost insatiable quest for finding some meaning on how I created my disease, I found tons of spiritual books with different theories about why people get cancer. Here are just some of them:

-not loving yourself enough
-negative thinking
-bad karma from a past life
-damaged chakras
-suppressing your "true" self
-bad inherited genes
-torn 7th layer of the aura
-not following your soul's destiny/soul's path

If you can believe it, I actually spent the better part of a decade trying to figure out which theory seemed the most accurate. Then something funny happened.

On one random day about four years ago, I met a neat person who told me about a camp for kids with cancer. I signed up to volunteer for this camp and spent a week with some amazing children. Some of them were chemo bald, some of them were in remission. But all of them knew how hard it was to be sick.

I could not imagine trying to explain to any of these kids that their cancers were a result of something they did wrong, a mistake they had made in their past or present life or an inadequacy. I could not imagine telling a child he/she was not following the path of their soul and that's why they were sick. When a seven-year-old little girl asked me why I thought people got cancer, I said, "Sometimes these things just happen."

That's when I realized that this answer was sufficient enough for me, too. Sometimes, these things just happen.

When they do, it seems like a good idea to treat yourself compassionately, with a lot of kindness and a lot of patience. It might be a good time to remind yourself of your own goodness, of your deep, inner strength. It would probably help to surround yourself with people who shower you with support and understanding.

I'm not saying don't look for the deeper meaning in your life's struggles. I'm certainly not saying don't do any soul searching when life throws you an unpleasant curve ball. I'm not saying ignore the often beautiful lessons we learn about ourselves when life tests us. But to believe that your hardships are some kind of punishment from the universe will only create more negativity and more despair. Whether you believe in karma or not, all that any of us are really capable of creating is love. I'm starting to suspect that's what everything and everyone is here to teach us. If we really are the creators of our lives, shouldn't we focus on creating this?

*MSP stands for: Misunderstood Spiritual Truth