It is time for change. Everything is my life has started to vibrate with this realization.
The foundations of my carefully constructed life are shaking and I can't continue to ignore the once soft whispers (now growing daily in their intensity) that can be from no other place than my soul. And you should hear the stuff it's telling me!
The soul doesn't care that I want flatter abs for a snug-fitting wedding dress; it is bored with the gym routine of crunches and stability ball sit ups. The soul doesn't care that our economy is collapsing and that I have a mortgage to pay. It is suffocating in my current profession and wants out. The soul doesn't care that my friends and family expect me to stay the "nice" person, the one willing to be a doormat in order to maintain harmony; my soul wants me to grow strong and assertive and tells me that an occasional "Screw you" wouldn't hurt either. It seems like my soul doesn't care about social conventions at all. It seems concerned only with my happiness, not with what the neighbors will think.
In fact, this complete disregard for my fears is what frightens me the most.
I've had "The Journey" for several years now. When I gave away all of my possessions and moved to the west coast, the line, "One day you finally knew what you had to do" struck a clean and familiar note inside of me. " 'Mend my life!' each voice cried," felt comforting when I decided to leave a serious romantic relationship and several friendships. But these days, the end of the poem is what I'm holding close to my heart. So although I've included a link to the entire poem at the top of this post, this part is what I'd like to leave with you today.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds
and there was a new voice
which you slowly recognized as you own
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do
determined to save
the only life you could save.
The journey into a new life has begun. I will be journaling about it here, but I would also like to hear from you, about your journey. So at the end of each post, I will leave a question. I would love to hear your answers.
Read the poem "The Journey" by Mary Oliver. What line in this poem strikes a chord with you? Why do you think this particular line stands out to you at this point in your life?
Something that you may not know about me (although you might, come to think of it) is that I am pretty much poem-impaired. My left-brain, logic-centered mind tends to skim over written words, easily grasping the meaning and then quickly moving on. I can't do that with poetry, and I find myself as frustrated as a child with a secret note and no decoder ring.
ReplyDeleteI read this poem over and over again, and nothing stood out to me as significant or particularly moving, so I set it aside and went to bed. I woke up at 3:34 am with the following words running over and over in my head:
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
and so it was. When I began my journey of healing, it was a wild night, a whole section of my life that was chaotic and out of control. As I've moved slowly forward, I've realized that all of these branches and stones were not left there by the storm, but by myself. I've had to clear them away one by one before I could get anywhere. I'm still clearing my path, and every time I think I've pushed the last branch out of the way, another one appears. I'm not expecting my path to ever be perfectly clear and flat, but I do find it frustrating that all of these obstacles are products of my own reactions and fears. However, I also try and understand that my fears are only natural, and they are there for a reason. So sometimes I am content to just sit down on a branch and just accept it for what it is. They're a lot easier to move when I'm not so tired. Besides, what's the point of a journey if I can't stop and enjoy the view every once in a while? :)
E~
"there was a new voice
ReplyDeletewhich you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world..."
Sometimes all we have to listen to is our own inner-tug.
B-darling, I love your writing and I'm super-stoked to discover your blog. I'll be a reader!