How I know that prayers are heard

I have not shared this story with anyone until last week and even then, only two people. A couple of us were discussing the effectiveness of sending someone positive energy. Then we started talking about prayer and suddenly I remembered something from a few years ago. It was such a pivotal point in my life and things really changed after it occurred. I cannot believe that I forgot it. Perhaps now is the best time to share it, then. This is a story of faith. This is the story of how I know for sure that prayers are heard.

I've devoted this entire blog to discussing the change process-what to expect as you are going through different stages of change, what you can do to smooth the transition and follow your heart. I've also included some practical tools you can use as you progress. What I have not talked about yet is the ephemeral part of any journey. What I have forgot to tell you about is faith.

People define faith in different ways. For some, it has very strong religious connotations. For others, it implies a sense of naivete (as in "blind faith"). But for me faith is this: trusting what your soul tells you-even if it does not make sense on a logical level, even if everybody around you doesn't understand.

So here it is. Several years ago, I spent a week in Oregon during my spring break. I had wanted to go on a hiking/outdoors vacation and a friend told me I'd probably enjoy the wilderness of Oregon. I was in one of those horrible emotional places in a human life. My heart was newly broken. I was tired of my job. I flew to Oregon in April and fell in love with the big redwoods in the mountains and the Pacific Ocean and the funky cool vibe of Portland. When the week was over, I came back to Atlanta thinking that one day, far into the future, I would make Oregon my home. The days slugged by, still heavy with my sadness and one day, several weeks later, as I was walking near a creek I suddenly realized that I needed to go. As soon as possible.

I gave away all of my stuff and I packed up my car with books and some clothes and I drove to Oregon. I had no friends or family there. No job. I didn't know where I was going to live. I did not know my way around. My soul said-This is what you need to do. So I did it. Not because I was full of faith, not at all. But because my life had fallen apart and I felt I had nothing else to lose. There is nothing like being completely devastated to bring one humbly to one's knees and to convince someone to finally surrender.

Almost everyone told me that I was crazy. Two very special healers of mine did not, but the rest did. They said-The job market there sucks, you will not find a job. You will use up all of your savings. You don't know anyone. You will be lonely. You are a woman driving across the country alone and something bad will happen to you.

But like I said, my soul said go. So I went.

The days leading up to my departure were nothing short of magical. Nothing could stop me from doing what I realized I needed to do. My mom was freaking out. My friends were stunned. My roommates were helping me put things in bags to take to the Goodwill and simultaneously asking me if I was sure I was making the right decision. It was amazing how many people thought I was a making a huge mistake. I had no doubt this is what I was supposed to do. It was as if a solid rope of light was pulling me from my heart to the Pacific Northwest. At the time, I did not know what this feeling was; it was the first time I had experienced such a profound sensation. Now, a little bit older and wiser, I've recognized its source. It is the way my soul tells me what I should do next. It is, what I now call, the God-pull.

I got to Oregon. I spent several weeks hiking and crying and sleeping. I went to the ocean, I went to the mountains. I wrote in my journal. Then one day I realized I needed a job and so I began searching. I wasn't looking for much, just something different from what I had done before, something that would allow me to pay the rent and eat. And yes, it was hard. No one would hire me. Then my ex-boyfriend sent me birthday presents and told me how much he loved and missed me. Friends were saying-come home, come home. My mom would call me each week, asking me if I finished writing my book so I could return to normal life. The truth was, I had not written anything worth publishing and months had gone by. I watched my savings dwindle until I realized that soon I would have nothing left. I began to doubt what I had done. For the first time, I thought that perhaps I had made a horrible mistake.

I flew back to Atlanta to visit the two healers who had encouraged me to follow my soul to Oregon. One of them, the one I refer to as my surrogate older brother, reminded me of my worth. He seemed so sure of me, of something special inside me, as he always has. My other healer had been going through a hard time himself. I wasn't sure I should see him, with my unbelievable sadness, when he, himself, was going through such a difficult time. But I was desperate for some answers, for some relief from the almost unbearable self-doubt that had begun to devour me.

Before I went to him, I said a silent prayer that went something like this: Dear God-when I get to the place in my healing where things get really rough, don't let J. feel it. He is already going through enough. Just have him hold my hand while I cry out all of my sadness and self-doubt.

I went for my my healing. In the middle of it, as I began to purge the deepest sadness from inside my heart, J. stopped, hesitated, seemed a little confused, and then sat down and held my hand. I cried until my heart felt clean.

I'm not sure where our prayers go once they are said. Are they an energy we send out to the universe? Are they a way we connect with our soul? Is there a God who listens to them? Of course I can't answer these questions. However, I can say for certain that they are heard because of what happened on the day I came back to visit J. for a healing.

I returned to Oregon the next day knowing I was heard by the universe. I found a job one month later and spent a wonderful year in the Pacific Northwest. A year of healing, hiking, writing and growing.

In any journey, no matter how strong your convictions or your God-pull, at some point you will probably doubt yourself. You will wonder if you have made a mistake, if you've made the right decision, if you're good enough. You will begin to lose some faith. When this happens, remember it is okay to jump. A net will appear. Remember that you are not alone. And no matter what your spiritual views, you may want to say a little prayer. Trust me, someone is listening.