The wise woman inside of you

Many spiritual texts and enlightened people speak of a "wise centered voice" within us all. There are several names by which I've heard  this voice called: seat of the soul, essential self, true self, higher self, the God within (or Goddess within). There are a lot of them. 

But for those of us who are just a few lifetimes short of enlightenment (like yours truly) all of this talk of a wise inner voice can be pretty intimidating. When I would try to sit quietly and "hear" this voice, the only thing that came up was, "I'm hungry," or "My arm itches." Since it never said anything huge, dramatic or life-altering, I decided the inner voice was either a) inaccessible to someone of my lowly stature in the reincarnation cycle or b) just a bunch of bunk.

I've read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way several times. Each time I read it, I do activities at the end of the chapters that I didn't do during my previous readings. As I was working through this book for the third time, I found my 85 year old self. She's been with me ever since and she's pretty much the only one who can quiet Blanche when she's running around in a tizzy.

If the lizard (see my last post) is the irrational, inhibiting fear inside us all, the 85 year old self is the compassionate liberator. She's the person who has lived a full and exciting life and now that she is at the end of it, she is peaceful and content and ready to give you wise advice whenever you ask her. She is you, only more experienced and insightful. 

The specific activity that Cameron suggests to the budding artist is this: Write a letter to your present self from your 85 year old self.  What dreams would your 85 self suggest that you pursue? What fears would your 85 year old self tell you to ignore?

At the time, I was struggling about my decision to leave a romantic relationship that I had invested three years in. I was in my late 20's and the thought of starting over with someone new was terrifying.  In addition to the relationship, this guy and I also shared a group of mutual friends. I realized that I would not only be ending our relationship, but that the relationships I had with our shared friends would also change. I imagined, or rather Blanche imagined, living in a city by myself, with no one to love and no one to love me, without even a group of girlfriends to help me through my pain.  But because I was so unhappy with this man and with the relationship, I took Cameron's advice. I imagined my 85 year old self and then wrote a letter to the (then) 27 year old me. 

It was amazing what this old woman had to say. She told me that even though three years seemed like a long time to a woman in her 20's, a lifetime spent with the wrong partner would be a lot of wasted time, for both him and for me. She also told me that my happiness was of the utmost importance. If you pursue a new path, she wrote, the right partner for you will come when you're ready to receive him. In fact, she said in her knowing voice, I am glad you left those who did not fit you, for you opened the door to meet someone truly wonderful and spent a fulfilled life with wonderful friends. 

For the first time in my life, the inner voice of wisdom that I had read and heard about so often was there with me, on a piece of a paper.  Her kind and confident way of saying things helped me become brave. Knowing that one day I would be her, with a lifetime full of experience and looking back upon my days, helped me gather up enough courage to make some tough decisions. 

These days, I don't write letters to myself from her, although I'm sure if I made the time to do this it would also help. I just imagine sitting around with my grandchildren. I imagine them asking me about the adventures I lived in my life. And then I think, do I want to tell them, "And then guess what I did? I broke up with the guy, gave away all my stuff, and drove my Mini Cooper out to the west coast to spend a year hiking" or do I want to tell them,"I was too scared and comfortable to leave a man I no longer loved, so I stayed with him and watched my life, and my friendships, deteriorate because I could not be honest with myself"?

I'm glad I can proudly tell the former story because it's what actually happened after I wrote my letter. I look forward to the other adventures I can tell my grandchildren too. Each time Blanche rears her slimy reptilian head, I know my 85 year old self is there to guide me through my fears. 

*Please note: you don't have to be a budding artist, a wannabe artist or a trying-to-be artist to do this activity (although you are creating an important piece of work-your life.) The point of this exercise is to get in touch with the wisdom that is already inside you. Think of a problem you are facing right now in your present day life. Imagine you, at 85, having lived a wonderful and fulfilling life. What would your 85 year old self tell you about this problem and its solution? If you can quiet your lizard, I'd love for you to post your response here.