Being in Your Body

Who are you? 

No, really, I mean how do you define yourself? Let's start there. This is where your story and possibly your unhappiness begins. If you asked me to define myself in words, I would describe myself as a life coach, a middle school teacher, a fiance, a daughter, a sister, a brunette, a Verizon wireless subscriber, a blogger, an avid reader, a lover of chocolate, a cancer survivor and a good friend. I'm just getting started. I could write an entire series of blogs about who I am and who I am not. This is where my story begins, with my self-definitions. 

I know that great spiritual teachers tell us that, on some higher level of existence, we will no longer need to associate with the "I." We won't need our stories about who we are. We will somehow rise above this all and realize that we are not separate from anything and we will live in a state of complete, contented joy. I'm not trying to patronize Jesus or Buddha or even to claim that this state of being is inaccessible to us regular humans. It's just that I have a hard time turning the other cheek when my careless neighbor smokes right outside my front door and smells up our condo with cigarette smoke. 

I have, on several different occasions, reached a peaceful place of self-realization (without drugs, psychadellic or otherwise). For me, being in this place doesn't last that long. When it's over, I always feel a little depressed that I have to return to a "normal" state of humanness, where I worry about my budget and getting the laundry done. One time I slipped into a state of enlightenment for several hours. I decided to record exactly how I felt on paper. I wrote something in my journal like: I am everything and nothing. I am all that exists and nothing that exists. I am the unity, I am the separateness and everything is perfect as it is. 

I know. It's completely useless. Right now I'm trying to slog through the Tao Te Ching and all I feel is a sense of defeated frustration that I don't quite really get what this guy Lao Tzu is saying. Sure it sounds good and all, but "It was never born thus it can never die" isn't exactly bringing me a sense of insight as I navigate the traffic on the Atlanta downtown connector.

I think this is a big part of the problem, at least part of my problem when I think about leading a spiritual life. I start comparing myself to these great gurus and trying to live my life like they lived theirs. I actually try to understand what the heck they're saying. Because where they are and where I am are so far from each other, I often end up thinking to hell with it all. 

I do believe, based on my own personal experience, that coming out of our stories about ourselves is an important step to a happier life. When we stop defining ourselves, we stop living how we think we are "supposed to live" and we begin living a true life of joy and integrity. We begin to live a life where unconditional love becomes a reality, not something reserved for saints and sages. We also get more in touch with the part of us that is not trained by societal conditions, thus making it easier to figure out and do what brings us joy. 

But how do we do this when we've been completely conditioned to answer the question, "Who are you?" with a series of descriptive phrases? 

We come out of our stories by first coming into our bodies. Our bodies are our best, most trustworthy guides into our own individual happiness. Sometimes, the only way we can do this is if we start small.

First let me tell you that I did not, in fact, start small. I am a devout Vipassana meditator. I became a Vipassana meditator several years ago by taking a vow of silence and, for ten days, living a monastic life where I meditated for about 11-12 hours a day. If you have a way to take ten days off of your life (this could be a delightful treat for those of you who find yourself recently unemployed) by all means, do a Vipassana retreat. It will shake you up and wake you up in a way you never dreamed possible. It will take you into your body and out of your stories in the most healing way. Each year I sit a 10-day retreat. Each time, it is completely life-altering.

Thing is, I have tried to convince many people I know to complete a Vipassana retreat with very little success. My mom told me, when I described the retreat setting, that this sounded like a "form of torture." Many of my friends have expressed concern about not being able to suspend speaking for a week and a half. If you share their concerns, or a million excuses come up as to why you could not possibly do this at this point in your life, fear not. I truly don't believe you have to do an extreme form of meditation to start coming out of your limiting beliefs and the stories that cause you so much suffering.

You can start today. I want you to come down into your body. You don't have to do this for very long, maybe just one minute if that's all you can handle. Describe what it feels like to be in your body, in this very moment. Completely get into your body's environment and describe it in as much detail as possible. When I do this, I like to pretend that I'm talking to some kind of alien being, describing what it's like to be in a human body. This tends to push my descriptive abilities even further.  

Right now, I am sitting in a soft, cushioned office chair. I am wearing jeans and I can feel the rough denim fabric on my legs. I feel my toes, especially my big toes, slightly squished at the top of my leather shoes. I also feel my feet in soft, cotton socks. My fingers are on flat, plastic keys that move down slightly when I press on them. Soft clicks whisper as I type.  I feel a subtle itching sensation on my left arm, from the thin wool sweater I have on, and I feel the material of this sweater hanging a little loose on my arms where my elbows are bent. I feel softness on my right cheek-my hair is touching my cheek. I feel my lungs expanding and my chest rising up as I inhale and I feel my chest and my stomach sink in a little when I exhale. 

Perhaps you're wondering how this could possibly help you. This is the first step in learning how to read your emotional compass, which I will discuss more in the next entry. Sometimes, when I try to do the emotional compass activity with clients, they get very frustrated because they are just not used to feeling what it's like to be in their physical bodies. It seems like a good idea to learn how to feel being in your physical body first.

If you've read previous entries, you know about The Work. This ability of feeling what it's like to be in your body can also help you greatly dissolve limiting beliefs when you come to questions 3 and 4 (You will be able to better feel what it feels like in your physical body when you think an unhealthy thought and you will be able to better feel what it feels like in your physical body when you do not have an unhealthy thought). I, personally, have found that it also helps me live more in the present moment and whenever I practice this exercise of being in my body, even if just for several minute intervals throughout the day, I get a nice, beautiful glow about me. 

*You don't have to write anything, unless you prefer to and I love your comments. You may want to just try this out, just the feeling part, especially if this is a new thing for you. Sit with your body. Feel your entire body. Start from your head, what does the top of your head feel like? What does the skin of your face feel like? What does your hair feel like? If there is a certain part of your body where you can't feel anything (the top of my head is always a hard one for me), just stay there for a moment. If you still don't have any sensations in this part of your body, skip it and go to the next part. Work your way down your body until you reach your toes.